How Can You Drown If You Know How To Swim?

I was eight year old when I first wrapped my hands around my own neck, praying for a loss of air, a loss of self.
I was fourteen years old when I first swallowed a handful of pills and fell asleep believing I’d never again see the light of day. 
I was seventeen years old when I first learned the taste of rubbing alcohol wasn’t as sweet as vodka, and it wouldn’t kill me, it wouldn’t even kill the pain. 
Now I am twenty one years old, a slave to my own demons.. But they have yet to find a way to kill me. I wonder if they will ever.